


My Life Had Stood - A Loaded Gun

by GoFloatYourself



Series: Shelter [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Insecurity, M/M, Smut, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:49:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29153832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoFloatYourself/pseuds/GoFloatYourself
Summary: Kakashi and Iruka have been hooking up for a little while and it's great, absolutely no problems. Apart from the huge mess that is Kakashi's entire life and person, which is very in the way of him being happy. Thankfully Iruka is pretty good at saying what he means, he just needs Kakashi to actually listen to him when he talks.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Series: Shelter [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140026
Comments: 12
Kudos: 124





	My Life Had Stood - A Loaded Gun

**Author's Note:**

> Will I ever get good at writing summaries? Scientists remain divided... 
> 
> This is semi-canon compliant, with light references to very early canon, plus the characters and setting, none of which belong to me. No beta, so mistakes are all mine.

The fact that Kakashi was shy about his fangs struck Iruka as hilariously ironic, as the man seemed to have an overwhelming desire to bite his partners in bed. Or, at least, he had an overwhelming desire to bite Iruka, something that became patently obvious almost as soon as he let the jounin know he liked the fangs fine and rather enjoyed the biting. He’d often settle at Iruka’s throat for a while, biting and sucking and leaving marks that were stark enough to make the teacher’s daytime self blush at the sight of them, despite not being particularly prudish about his love life. They’d always been low enough that the collar of his uniform covered them, so it wasn’t as though he’d had to explain them to anyone at least. 

He’d been confused when he’d first realized Kakashi was shy about his fangs; they were a marker of the Inuzuka half of his parentage, and not uncommon in a village where there was a large and growing Inuzuka clan. But he supposed Kakashi hadn’t been raised among the Inuzuka, around those who had similar physical features and could normalize their existence, and Iruka could admit that even among the Inuzuka, Kakashi’s fangs were notably large. They pricked and dragged at his tongue when they kissed. They dug harshly into his skin when Kakashi bit him. And they were impossibly in the way when the jounin gave him head, although Iruka had quickly discovered that he didn’t mind the sensation. 

“Ah… ah… yes, _fuck yes_ … ngh…” 

He was naked, sprawled on his bed, his hair fanning out behind him since Kakashi had insistently pulled the tie from it. Sweat beaded along his skin, his dark tan making the jounin’s pale white stand out sharply as Kakashi alternately gripped and petted along his sides and his thighs. Iruka swept silver hair aside to see his face, mismatched eyes watching him pant harshly as pink, swollen lips slid up and down his length, tongue curling over him slickly, his breath hitching as one and then the other fang point dragged over his cock, depending on the angle. 

The fangs made it difficult for Kakashi to close his lips completely while he was giving head; they’d discovered doing so pressed the fangs too tightly, transforming their presence from strangely erotic to actually painful. The discovery had been accompanied by an insight on Iruka’s part about why his partner had been so shy about the fangs. His reaction to Iruka’s yelp and exclamation of pain had been almost like he’d expected the teacher to throw him out of the apartment, making him wonder how Kakashi’s previous partners had reacted to any unexpected incidents with the fangs. 

For Iruka’s part, pretty much everything about them was wonderful. The inability to completely close his lips made Kakashi sucking him off into an incredibly wet, messy act, saliva dripping down over him while Kakashi worked his cock with his tongue, making obscene slurping noises as he bobbed his head. He palmed over Iruka’s balls, the excess saliva creating a perfect, slippery ease for his fingers, and he whined and closed his eyes when the teacher gripped his hair tightly, urging him to move a little faster, guiding his cock further into perfect, wet heat. 

It didn’t take long for the sensation to reduce him to a writhing, mindless mass of pleasure, and he loved and hated it because Kakashi seemed to be devoted to keeping him in that state for as long as possible, getting him right to the edge and then easing off, swirling his tongue over the head and watching Iruka thrash beneath him, his mismatched eyes narrowed in a kind of joyous thrill at the state he could reduce his partner to. 

He was doing it now, lapping at Iruka’s shaft and nearly purring as the teacher thrust his hips up desperately. “Kakashi… fuck… please, I need… I can’t take it…” 

“Yes, you can.” His already deep voice was several octaves below its usual register. He lapped at him again, adding to the mess of saliva and precum at Iruka’s groin. “So pretty and needy for me…” His fingers on Iruka’s balls were gentle, stroking him over and over and making his cock twitch and leak even more. “I know you can take it…” 

He had Iruka begging for him again, and again, and Iruka did take it, the need building in him until he thought he would explode. Until Kakashi finally swallowed him down and took him deep, humming and bobbing his head quickly, letting his fangs drag over Iruka’s cock and at last not pulling back as Iruka tensed, balls tightening, cock swelling, and he nearly sobbed as he finally came, shooting out his release and maybe, just possibly, blacking out for a moment as he did so. 

When he finally started to come back down, Iruka found himself feeling warm and pliant, trapped beneath the jounin’s larger body, Kakashi’s broad bulk pinning him down, panting in his ear and rutting against his hip like he couldn’t help himself and fuck, that sucking him off could get the man so hot was mind-blowingly arousing to Iruka. Kakashi liked to please in bed, and Iruka loved how reciprocal it made everything feel. 

He nosed at the side of Kakashi’s head, and the jounin leaned back to brush their lips together and groaned as Iruka slid a hand down to grip tightly at his ass, encouraging the thrusting. After all of that, he wanted Kakashi inside him, and he felt a little guilty that he was too sore to do so, even though it was definitely the other man’s fault. Kakashi had come straight over after returning from his mission, catching Iruka in the early afternoon just as he’d returned from the academy, and then fucked him for almost three hours before they stopped to eat dinner. Even with a break for food, he hadn’t been sure he’d be able to get it up again that night, but as usual, his body was only too ready to respond to the man who’d been in his bed for the last few months and on his mind even longer. 

Getting a little of his coordination back, he pushed up, flipping them slowly until he was leaning over the jounin, hand around Kakashi’s cock, working him firmly while Kakashi nipped at his lips and growled at the stimulation. 

“Sorry I can’t-,” 

His breathless apology for his soreness was immediately dismissed, Kakashi shaking his head and shaking Iruka’s at the same time since they were pressed so close together. 

Iruka’s intention to get his mouth around the man’s cock was also derailed as Kakashi’s hips kept moving, pushing frantically up into the grip and he panted out, desperate, “Just… god, Iruka, don’t stop, just like that…” and he held Iruka close, fingers rough at the back of his neck and made a frustrated noise that Iruka was just recently beginning to interpret as him wanting something, but not knowing how to say so. 

“Fuck, your cock feels good in my hand… is this what you want?” The question was redundant, everything in the jounin’s movement said he loved what Iruka was doing, but he asked anyway, trying to draw out his lover’s voice. “You want me to touch you like this?” 

He squeezed a little tighter, stroking faster, feeling a wicked smile curve at the corner of his mouth as Kakashi nodded and nosed down past his jaw, pressing his lips almost chastely against the skin of Iruka’s throat before finally asking, nearly so softly that Iruka didn’t hear him, “Can I…?” 

He breathed out a slow, hissing, “Yes…” unsure of what Kakashi wanted, but happy to please, and a much louder hiss as Kakashi bit him, much rougher than he ever had before, fangs digging into his throat, sucking hard and almost certainly breaking skin as he made a keening, strangely vulnerable sound and came in Iruka’s hand, his huge cock pulsing, over and over, painting his release across both of their stomachs. 

He didn’t relax immediately, but in increments, muscles slowly untensing, licking carefully over where he’d pierced Iruka’s skin. He stroked along Kakashi’s side, noticing with a vague amusement that his throat was now in competition with his ass for soreness, sighing indulgently when the jounin finally detached from him, finding his lips and kissing him messily, tiredly, catching a hint of blood as their tongues slid together. 

Despite an absence of any disapproval on his end, a frown tugged over Kakashi’s handsome features as they parted, one gray eye going down to Iruka’s neck and he murmured guiltily, “I’m sorry…” 

Now it was Iruka’s turn to shake his head, trying to smother down a wry smile, because he’d learned that Kakashi didn’t think there was anything funny about potential bedroom mishaps, another thing that made him wonder what the hell the man’s previous partners had said to him. Sex was messy, but it was also supposed to be fun, a place where you could explore yourself and your partner without fear of judgement, just sharing pleasure and enjoying each other. Obviously, that hadn’t been how Kakashi had experienced sex, which seemed criminal to Iruka, because the man was made for sin, all sleek muscles and a pretty face, urgent touches and a seemingly bottomless sex drive, and to top it off, he seemed genuinely excited by everything they’d done together, almost like he couldn’t believe it was really happening. It was kind of adorable and endlessly endearing. 

Instead of making light of the situation, he simply leaned over to lay beside Kakashi, running exhausted fingers through silver hair to push it out his face. “I told you I’d speak up if you did something I didn’t like.” 

Even with the remembered assurance, Kakashi looked uncertain, tonguing the point of one fang, nodding without conviction. He did untense a bit though, mimicking Iruka by brushing the long, dark hair out of his face and then tracing over his shoulder and down his chest, before seeming to realize he was petting him and pulling his hand back. Odd as his partner’s self-consciousness around himself in bed was, Iruka was too tired to do much more than snuggle close, sleep edging at his mind, feeling the jounin relax bit by bit against his front. 

When he’d first offered for Kakashi to simply stay the night, he’d been a little worried he was overstepping. Just because he’d invited the man to his place a few times and the jounin had accepted didn’t mean Kakashi actually wanted to spend that much time with him. Instead of a flinch or maybe a contemptuous gaze at his offer as he’d anticipated, Kakashi had accepted so easily that Iruka wound up feeling bad for not offering earlier, as though the jounin had assumed he was required to get dressed and leave as soon as they were done fucking as a matter of course, an impression he sincerely hoped he’d done nothing to impart. 

Now he stayed every time he came over, warm and solid beside him, and Iruka was starting to worry that he was getting too comfortable with this. Just because the famous Copy Nin was fine with slumming with a chunin teacher for a bit didn’t mean he had any intention of making this permanent, and Iruka was in real danger becoming too attached. But he hadn’t made a point of reminding Iruka of the gulf that stood between them, had never treated Iruka poorly for it, and he seemed plenty happy when they were together. At least for now, they had this, and he intended to enjoy it. 

__________ 

Kakashi was so distracted and upset that he was accidentally right on time to meet his genin team, startling the three of them so much that Sakura had asked what was going on in a frighteningly grave tone, like she thought he might have been about to announce he was dying. When he stayed with Iruka on a school night, they didn’t have time for breakfast or for morning sex or for much more than a shower and to touch base on when the other would be free again, so his time with Iruka that morning had been brief. Brief, but awful. The usual torture of his overwhelming need to touch the teacher too much was difficult enough to deal with, but it was now compounded by the mark he’d left on Iruka’s neck, visible from across the room, vividly condemning him for what he’d done. 

_Shit._ He’d known this was a risk, that he could get carried away, that he might let what he wanted skew his judgement, but he’d hoped he could have this thing between them for a little longer before he had to give it up. Bad enough that his fucking fangs had broken skin, leaving a furtive and ugly feeling of guilt in his stomach at the sight of the small but very real cuts on Iruka’s neck. But the bite was also high, the fang marks inside an eye-catching bruise, and it was only after he’d come that he’d realized it would be almost impossible for the teacher to hide. 

Just because Iruka was willing to tolerate his issues in bed didn’t mean the teacher would be fine with having their dalliance made public to the rest of the village. He appreciated how considerate Iruka was of him, that he didn’t constantly remind Kakashi that he was damaged goods with careless words and uncomfortable expressions like prior partners had before, but he could still be hurt by others knowing that he and the Friend Killer had been intimate. Kakashi had learned long ago that the novelty of being with him wore off fast, that the prestige of his skills didn’t go much beyond being a tool or a weapon, and he didn’t want any of that association to rub off on Iruka. The man would be moving on soon, and he didn’t need future partners judging him over this. 

Kakashi watched his genin team practice chakra control and ran his tongue over the tip of one fang, the motion disguised behind his mask, suppressing a groan. The guilty feeling the bitemark had elicited twisted in his gut, chiding and condemning him, because it didn’t erase the fact that having finally given in to the urge to leave a bite like that on the teacher had just made him want to do it again. He’d woken up, warm and comfortable, the sensation still unsettling in its newness, and wanted to put his lips over the bitemark the moment he saw it in the morning light, wanted to lick and suck and leave more marks, to broadcast to every single person in the village that Iruka was his and his alone. 

Of course, Iruka wasn’t his. He’d been allowed into the teacher’s life for a bit, and he’d greedily taken everything the man had to offer, but Iruka wasn’t his. Sooner or later, he’d get tired of Kakashi, he’d hit his limit with being bitten and manhandled and subjected to Kakashi’s ridiculous stamina that left him sore and exhausted. He’d notice the ugly possessiveness in him or find himself on the wrong end of an episode of post-combat stress and see the empty, bottomless core inside Kakashi and realize what an exhausting and unfulfilling partner he was. 

Which was fine. It was inevitable, actually, and Kakashi wouldn’t allow himself to wallow over things that neither of them could do anything about. But he’d let himself get a little carried away, and he knew now that seeing those dark eyes look at him with irritation and distain, hearing Iruka’s lilting voice tell him he was too much work, he wasn’t enough and, at the same time, he was too much, would be agonizing after having felt what it was like to be with him. He’d gone into this very vulnerable, pretending that pining over the man for so long wouldn’t affect his judgement, and he’d only made himself more so. 

Well, this was nothing if not a self-inflicted wound. And it would probably be better for him to handle it now, pull the trigger on ending things before Iruka had developed too much of a dislike for him, before familiarity had been allowed to breed outright contempt. The teacher’s relationship with Naruto meant that Kakashi would be forced to see Iruka as long as Team 7 was under his purview, and neither of them deserved to deal with any weird tension because he hadn’t been strong enough to resist Iruka’s invitation a few months ago. 

Kakashi watched his genin team and tried to feel settled in his decision and hated himself, because even though he knew what the right thing to do was, he could feel his mind wheedling around it, wondering how much it would really hurt to be with Iruka again, maybe one more time, and then he could break it off. Maybe two more times. How much could two more times really hurt? He didn’t know how long it would take the teacher to see him as he was, and he shouldn’t risk it, knowing that it would end in disaster. He shouldn’t have touched Iruka at all; the least he could do now was to make it right. 

__________ 

As it turned out, he wasn’t able to speak to Iruka for a reason that had nothing to do with his wheedling around doing the right thing. Naruto had an outburst over their lower ranked mission assignments, pretty much right on time in Kakashi’s estimation, as he’d been watching the boy chafe at Team 7’s tasks for weeks now. He was at least treated to the sight of Iruka yelling at his young ward for being an idiot and Naruto yelling right back; he rarely saw the teacher lose his cool about anything except the Kyuubi kid. To be fair, Naruto could drive anyone to insanity, so it was hardly a black mark against Iruka. And even Kakashi had to admit that the kid was somehow charming even when he was being an obstinate shit and probably getting Kakashi in trouble for not corralling his genin better. 

And then the mission went to hell because the client had lied to them, one of his team almost died while he had to put his hand through a kid’s chest, and instead of being gone for a few days, they were gone for weeks. At least he could say it was an excellent opportunity for his team to develop their skills. That was better than dwelling on his continued inability to protect those he cared about, Sasuke having survived in the end on the mercy of their enemy rather than on Kakashi’s skills as a protector or team leader. 

He’d told the Third he didn’t want a genin team, that he wasn’t suited for it, and had found reasons to fail every team he’d been given before. The Third knew his skillset better than almost anyone else, knew that he was a weapon, not a teacher. And yet, he’d insisted that Kakashi take on a team, had refused to let the continuous cycle of genin Kakashi failed deter him, and had pointedly ensured the team with Minato’s son was assigned to him this time around. The last complaint he delivered to the old man, right before going to meet the kids, was met with some mumbling about needing to adjust from being an outside dog to an inside dog, and he wasn’t sure if that was a dig about his nindog team or something else, but the comment had indelibly stuck with him. 

Whatever his point was, the old man was clearly wrong, but Kakashi followed orders before anything else, so he had no choice. When they returned from Wave Country, tired and footsore except for the apparently endlessly energetic blonde, Iruka had been waiting at the gate to see Naruto, and Kakashi had barely been able to look at him as the chunin had sent a smile his way over the kid’s head while Naruto tackled him almost to the ground. He couldn’t manage more than a blank expression when Iruka asked if he wanted to join them for ramen, and begged off on the insistence that he didn’t want to intrude. 

He watched the teacher usher Naruto off toward the ramen stand, absently measuring his deficiencies against the man. Naruto had impressed him on the mission, not with his skills, which needed significant developing, but with his heart. Kakashi had kept an eye on him throughout his childhood, too aware that those who blamed him for what the fox had done would occasionally seek to harm him directly, which they had, but he had protected from afar. The only adult who had shown Naruto any attention, the only one who’d had any real input in how the boy turned out, was Iruka. And what had come out the other end of his efforts? Determination and passion, loyalty and a loving spirit that was frankly baffling for someone who’d been treated the way Naruto had. He’d had every reason to turn out bitter and hateful, and instead his personality had Iruka’s fingerprints all over it. 

He supposed he could understand, at least on some level. When he hadn’t been there to look after the kid, Iruka had done so. Had shielded the boy with his own body, taken a blade to the back that had nearly killed him, all without hesitation. That was the kind of devotion that could inspire someone to be the best version of themselves. 

The difference in their skills as shinobi was vast, but Iruka was a thousand times better as a role model than he could be. His influence over Naruto was even indirectly helping with the moody, angry, orphaned killer that was Sasuke, with the blonde poking and prodding the Uchiha to come out of his shell, forcing him to develop relationships he clearly, desperately needed, while Kakashi saw the worst parts of his past mirrored in Sasuke and didn’t know what to do to fix them. 

Cowardly though it was, he told himself he was giving Iruka time with Naruto, knowing the teacher had missed the boy while they were gone, and Kakashi retreated to his empty apartment, cleaning his equipment, feeding his nindogs, writing up the mission report he fully intended to turn in late. As he did so, he pondered the other risk he knew he’d been running when he’d agreed to Iruka’s first invitation: that it would draw attention to every sad, empty part of his life, the endless loneliness between missions, the complete lack of anything to come home to, the weird, half life he’d been leading since he’d left the ANBU and discovered that he didn’t know what people did when they weren’t constantly on life or death missions that kept them completely separate from those around them. His disastrous prior attempts to forge a relationship with someone had taught him he wasn’t meant to be with anyone, and he hadn’t tried in some time. 

He stared around himself, taking in the dismal furnishings, so different from the understated, but very lived-in warmth of Iruka’s apartment, and grimaced to himself, remembering the Third’s words. _Inside dog._

He took the coward’s way out for days, avoiding the mission desk, sitting on the report he’d had ready on time, letting the deadline pass while he trained his genin team, honing their shinobi skills and trying to encourage the growing friendship and rivalry between the two boys, feeling the frustration of his own limitations at developing interpersonal relationships. He knew he could train them to be a good shinobi team, and he was doing his best. But the kids needed more than simple training guidance, and he couldn’t see that he was providing that at all. 

When enough time had passed that the lateness was unreasonable, even by Kakashi’s personal standards of punctuality, he made his way to the mission desk. He picked around couches and over the limbs of sprawled shinobi, lounging and gossiping as they waited for their assignments, and found Iruka at the desk, scribbling over a mission report and hissing to himself about jackass jounin who could create whole words in jutsus but couldn’t write in a straight line. 

He was absorbed enough in whatever he didn’t like about the report he was working on that he seemed genuinely startled when Kakashi murmured, “Hopefully this will up to standard, sensei,” blinking dark eyes up at the scroll Kakashi was offering. 

He shook his head, snatching it roughly. “Given that it was due for submission several _days_ ago, I’m not sure how it could be.” The words were harsh, but a smirk played at his lips, and Kakashi’s train of thought temporarily derailed, his eye tracing over the curve of it, then up across the scar over the bridge of his nose, only realizing how obvious he’d been when he caught a very light blush raising under that very scar. 

He rubbed a hand over the back of his head, striving to settle into his habitual lazy nonchalance. “Good work takes time, I’m afraid.” 

Iruka tossed the scroll on the submission pile, fixing him with a sardonic look that said he wasn’t going to dignify the stupid statement with an answer, asking instead, “How’s the team doing? Naruto told me about the mission, but I don’t know how much of what he said I should take seriously.” 

“Probably around ten to twenty percent.” 

Iruka laughed. “That sounds about right. Maybe tell me about it over dinner?” 

The question was asked lightly, and it didn’t have to be interpreted as anything other than platonic, but it still made him stiffen, achingly aware that they weren’t alone. Worse, Iruka noticed his reaction and kind of froze in place, and an agonizing awkwardness settled between them. They’d never discussed their personal time together in public before; Kakashi had always been able to maneuver around it, simply showing up at Iruka’s place when he was free, wondering if this would be the time the chunin would tell him to kick rocks, always relieved to find out it wasn’t. But if they talked about it where people could overhear, then those people would start making assumptions, would start to associate his ugly reputation with the teacher, start to judge Iruka for being with him. 

The tension was mercifully broken by Asuma stomping up the mission desk and punching him in the shoulder as he tossed a report to Iruka. “If you’re going to be this goddamn late you might as well not bother turning anything in then.” 

Iruka regarded them both dryly, looking as grateful for the interruption as Kakashi felt, drawling out, “If that’s the sensible conclusion then I think we could expect to stop getting mission reports from anyone.” 

Asuma laughed, nudging Kakashi like the two of them were in on the same joke. “Would it really be the worst thing in the world if we missed out on scintillating pages of D rank mission reports?” Before either of them could answer, Asuma was tugging him away from the desk, waving at Iruka, insisting Kakashi accompany him to the Sharpened Kunai to catch up, which surely meant complaining about their genin teams over drinks. 

__________ 

Asuma had pulled Kakashi away with the certainty that he hadn’t been interrupting anything important, that there was no real reason for Kakashi and Iruka to be talking beyond mission desk business, so why would he worry he was being rude? After all, he and the Copy Nin were friends, and Iruka was… not. And sure, he wasn’t technically being rude, because he didn’t know that there was anything between them and given how Kakashi had reacted to Iruka simply mentioning they might meet for dinner, maybe there really wasn’t anything between them. It wasn’t like he was expecting to be wined and dined, but Iruka was extremely not here for being treated like someone’s dirty little secret, and he definitely didn’t need to be reminded that they were on very different levels any more than he already was. 

The tension between them stayed with him, souring his mood, and had him headed home feeling more than a little irritable. He hadn’t planned to have dinner with Kakashi, since the jounin had made a habit of simply dropping by when he was free, so planning things for the two of them wasn’t really a possibility. Though Iruka hadn’t known it would be so unwelcome either. And now he had no idea if he should expect the Copy Nin that night, but he felt like it would be rude to go out, having indicated he was free. 

And then he realized he was holding the night open on the off chance that Kakashi might drop by, like he had nothing better to do than to be at the Copy Nin’s beck and call, and Iruka’s mood soured further. He toyed with the idea of dropping in on Kurenai or Anko, demanding that they get him drunk so he could snarl about how annoyed he was without explaining what was annoying him, because he hadn’t told anyone that he and Kakashi were sleeping together. Realizing that he’d never really examined why he hadn’t told anyone made him growl to himself; without thinking about it, he’d just assumed Kakashi would be embarrassed to have it widely known, and had said nothing to spare the jounin’s feelings, like his own didn’t even matter. 

He kicked the door shut behind him, resolving that he would stay in, mostly so he could tell Kakashi how goddamn irritated he was if the man bothered to come by. It was disconcerting, realizing how much of their secrecy had been him simply going along with what he thought Kakashi wanted, and he couldn’t even find justification in feeling used and embarrassed when the jounin made it clear how unwelcome the thought of being with him publicly was, because he’d cooperated with it from the start. Even with the very visible bite Kakashi had left on him the last time they’d been together, he’d simply demurred or made a joke when asked about it, never confirming who he’d been with. Anko had been insufferable about his refusal to explain, and still made jokes about it every chance she got. 

He had long enough to change into something more comfortable and to glare at his kitchen and wonder if he should start making dinner just for himself, when there was a knock on the door. Kakashi was still in uniform, the heady smoke and alcohol scent of the Sharpened Kunai clinging to his clothing, and he looked more awkward than usual, his discomfort seeming to multiply as Iruka let him in and he cocked his head, picking up on the teacher’s mood. 

Iruka could tell he’d surprised the man when he ignored the tension to blandly ask, “How is Asuma?” 

Kakashi blinked his one visible eye, paused in his now familiar ritual of taking his mask off while they were in Iruka’s apartment. He seemed not to know how to answer, finally murmuring cautiously, “…moody. I think he’s almost ready to confess his very secret feelings to his lady love.” 

The ridiculous phrasing would have been enough to make him laugh in other circumstances; Asuma’s poorly concealed crush on Kurenai was a subject of much amusement and speculation among the upper ranks of shinobi. For his part, Iruka had never understood why his friend was waiting for Asuma to make the first move. Kurenai wasn’t exactly a blushing flower; in fact, he’d often admired how assertive she was when she went after something she wanted, and she definitely wanted Asuma. He abruptly realized with an unpleasant jolt that he was, just now, finally understanding her formerly baffling choice to say nothing, to wait for him to speak first. She might have wanted him, but she also wanted to _feel_ wanted. 

It was nice to feel wanted. He imagined it was the opposite of the way he’d felt at the mission desk earlier. 

Arms crossing without him really realizing it, he let out a clipped, “That’s nice. I’m sure she’ll be pleased to know where she stands with him.” 

Kakashi had finally dragged his mask down and, ugh, he looked tentative and worried and fuck, why was Iruka like this around the man? He was hurt, and he felt like he had a very good reason to be hurt, but he still wanted to pull the jounin close, kiss at lips that were currently caught under a fang and tell him it was okay. Kakashi achingly needed someone to tell him that it was okay, and Iruka had loved telling him that, seeing him relax and open up a little, but this wasn’t okay at the moment, and he had every right to expect some fucking consideration of his own. 

He could tell the build of his anger was obvious, and that it was throwing Kakashi off more, that the jounin wasn’t sure why he was angry, and that just made him angrier, and frustrated as he tried to work his feelings into a series of sentences instead of wadding them up and hurling them all at once at the source of his unhappiness. As satisfying as that would be, it wasn’t exactly fair either. 

“I’ve upset you.” Kakashi spoke first and Iruka hummed his agreement, and watched it hit home, a twist of anxiousness crossing over the jounin’s mouth, the part of Kakashi that he wasn’t good at regulating because it was usually covered up. “I’m sorry.” 

“Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?” 

The jounin seemed to give his question serious consideration. “What happened at the mission desk.” Iruka said nothing, refusing to do the work for him, wanting him to spell it out himself. “You asked if I wanted to have dinner with you.” 

When nothing else was forthcoming, he let out an even, flat, “I wasn’t fully aware of how you’d feel about publicly being associated with me.” 

Kakashi shook his head. “It’s not about me, it’s how other people will feel.” 

Wow. It wasn’t a surprise, but it still _really_ hurt to hear. “So, you’re embarrassed by me. That’s good to know.” 

Bizarrely, this very obvious inference seemed to shock the man. “What?! No, I-,” he started to move toward Iruka, but stopped, taking in the teacher’s rigid, unwelcoming posture. “Iruka, no, of course not.” 

He narrowed his eyes. “I know I’m just a chunin, just a teacher, let’s not pretend-,” 

“ _No._ ” Kakashi stared at him almost helplessly. “No… I have a…” Air squeezed out of him in an agonized huff, his hands twitching like they wanted to ball into fists at his sides. “I have a bad reputation. You don’t deserve… when you find someone else, I don’t want-,” 

Iruka let out a bark of laughter that was anything but amused. “Find someone else? Kakashi, what the fuck? If you’re done with me, just fucking tell me like an adult. Don’t pretend you’re doing me some kind of favor by keeping me hidden away.” 

He looked miserable, head bowed, his solitary gray eye fixed down on the floor, and it just made Iruka more annoyed. “Iruka…” 

“What?” he snapped, tone strained. “So, you’re done with me then? One time you worry people will know we’ve been together and that’s it?” 

Kakashi flinched, looking up, “No!” Iruka was getting really tired of hearing that word from him. “I thought…” Iruka clenched his jaw tightly, fighting the urge to cut him off, to sarcastically demand to know what he’d thought, and the effort to do so was almost strenuous enough to make him miss the extremely quiet end of the sentence. “I thought you’d be tired of me by now.” 

Now he struggled for a different reason, the weird statement turning over in his mind, not making any more sense as he examined it, until he finally asked, “…what?” 

Kakashi was staring at the floor again. “I’m not good at… at this. I’m too much, I’m too… you’ll get tired of dealing with me. I know you will. You deserve someone who’s whole, who’s more than a weapon, someone who isn’t damaged.” 

He stared at Kakashi, taking in slumped shoulders, bowed posture, defeat written in his body language, as the jounin said all of this matter-of-factly, like every point was a foregone conclusion. The conversation had turned quickly enough to give him mental whiplash. This was what Kakashi’s problem had been? 

Arms still crossed, he slumped back against the kitchen island and said the first thing that came to mind. “Well, you’re right about that,” and was swamped with consternation when Kakashi’s expression crumpled and he turned toward the door, only realizing how that must have sounded afterward. “That you’re not good at this, not about the rest of that garbage, you jackass!” He leapt forward to grab the jounin by the elbow, pulling him around until they were facing each other. “How can you say that about yourself?!” 

Kakashi avoided meeting his gaze. “There’s no point in trying to deny it once it’s been made clear to you. Repeatedly.” 

“Well, it’s bullshit, Kakashi. I don’t give a fuck if everyone you’ve ever been with has said that to you, it’s bullshit.” The little tremor under his fingers where he still had Kakashi’s arm in his grasp seemed to suggest that yes, everyone he’d ever been with had said that to him at some point and it made Iruka want to stab people. “I don’t need to you protecting me from my own fucking choices, and I definitely don’t need you deciding you know what I’m going to do before I’ve done it.” 

Kakashi finally met his gaze, his voice quiet and pleading. “You’ll get tired of me.” The jounin was leaning toward him like he couldn’t help himself, intent and wanting and very carefully not touching him. 

“What, because you’ve been holding back? Like I couldn’t tell that’s what you were doing? I told you I’d say so if you did something I didn’t li-,” abruptly he realized, that was the problem. 

Kakashi had clearly been told by a lot of partners that he’d done something they didn’t like. Been told and then been left for it, and he’d obviously been expending a lot of energy carefully managing himself so he wouldn’t have to be told he’d done something Iruka didn’t like. So that he wouldn’t be left. 

Iruka stepped closer, sighing, the two of them nearly pressed together, leaning his face up at the taller man. It was weird, not to be touched at all. Kakashi might have been restraining his impulses this whole time, but he’d been very handsy with Iruka when they were together already. He didn’t move back, didn’t pull his arm away, but he kept his hands to himself. 

“Kakashi…” He breathed his words out softly, carefully, like he was trying not to spook a nervous animal. “What if I like the way you touch me?” The jounin shivered. “What if I like how intense you are? What if I would still like it even if you were more intense sometimes?” 

“Iruka…” The man sounded afraid, afraid of him, and it tore at Iruka’s heart. 

“What if it’s okay if you need me? What if I liked it enough that I wouldn’t get tired of it?” 

“ _Don’t._ ” He jerked back, finally wrenching his arm out of Iruka’s grasp. 

Iruka followed him, stepping into his space as he moved away, until he had Kakashi backed up against his front door. He paused, inches away, not wanting to do something the other man didn’t want, not wanting him to leave if he wanted to stay. 

“You kept coming over. I invited you, and you came, and we had sex, but you didn’t stay the night, and I thought that meant you weren’t interested in more than that. But you kept coming over, and then you started staying over.” Kakashi swallowed, looking ashamed. “You thought that one night I would just tell you no… You were waiting for me to tell you that I was tired of you?” 

A short nod was accompanied by a barely concealed cringe, like he thought Iruka was about to do so, and he tried hard to bite back a sigh. Sure, that was a little hurtful after everything he’d just said, but it wouldn’t help Kakashi to be told off about it. 

“Look. I like you, you jackass. I think I’ll like you more if you act like yourself with me. I’ll definitely like you more if you don’t act like you don’t want to be seen with me.” 

“I didn’t mean-,” 

“You’ve made that clear. But if we’re going to keep doing this, then I don’t want it to be a secret. Let me worry about my own reputation and do me the courtesy of not assuming you know my thoughts better than I do.” He wasn’t sure if the harsh tone was helping much, but he needed to be clear, to sweep away the assumptions that had built up between them, cluttering the space where they could have simply talked. 

Kakashi was staring at him like he’d said something ridiculous, his mouth slightly parted. “…you want to keep doing this?” 

He crossed his arms again, hoping it was coming across more playful than mad this time. “Yes, _jackass._ I want to keep doing this. I want to do it openly. I want you to stop holding back and tell me what you need, what you want, and then actually do those things.” 

Something painfully like hope passed over the jounin’s face, struggling to get through the anxiety. “…are you going to keep calling me a jackass from now on?” 

“If you’re being one, probably.” Kakashi was unpeeling himself from the door, that small movement closing the inches between them easily, but he didn’t reach for Iruka. “What do you want, Kakashi?” 

“I…” It was obviously a struggle to speak, and without the mask he could see the struggle playing out in real time, good sense and experience warring with a desire to take Iruka at his word. “I want to touch you.” 

He inhaled slowly, taking in the still-there scent of the bar and the undertone of a freshly cleaned uniform that somehow still clung to the man after a whole day in it, catching Kakashi’s eye, trying to make himself as clear as possible. “I want you to touch me.” 

Still, the man hesitated, and Iruka forced himself to wait. Patience wasn’t exactly one of his virtues, but if he was going to demand that Kakashi stop holding back then he had to make room for Kakashi to act. Very slowly, as if they hadn’t already engaged in numerous lewd acts and multi-hour marathon fuck sessions, like he was touching him for the very first time, hands slid over his hips, holding him loosely, tugging him closer until their bodies pressed together. Kakashi leaned down, nosing at him, brushing their lips across one another, not quite kissing him, more like testing the waters. 

It was hard not to think of the first time they’d kissed. He’d been a little shocked the jounin had agreed to show his face, had been prepared for a fuck without kissing, or to be blindfolded to preserve the other man’s anonymity. He’d been pretty eager to kiss the man once the mask was off, after blinking at the fangs he’d been surprised to find peeking out from behind shapely lips, and Kakashi had kissed him readily enough, but had seemed to expect that he wouldn’t want to keep doing it, like Iruka would have found himself repulsed once he’d tried it. When Iruka had seemed eager to continue, the man had nearly overwhelmed him with his enthusiasm, all tongue and teeth and wild hunger and Iruka could honestly say he’d never kissed anyone like that before. 

Now he kissed Iruka carefully, like he was checking to see if he was still allowed to, and he wanted to sigh and be annoyed that the jounin hadn’t listened to him, but he knew that he had, and if he was going to argue that he was fine with dealing with the man’s insecurities then he had to be willing to acknowledge that it was probably going to be a process. The chaste slide of lips was teasing and sweet, the grip on his hips still loose, and he leaned into it, breathing out a noise of appreciation as Kakashi pressed a little harder. He felt the impression of fangs, prominent enough to be noticeable even in a closed mouth kiss, and the sensation made him groan, tilting his head and lapping at the seam of Kakashi’s mouth. Okay, it wasn’t totally letting Kakashi take the lead like he’d wanted, but the jounin didn’t seem to mind, groaning in return and parting his lips and their tongues curled together and fuck, it still made Iruka’s head spin. 

It was a lot like the first time, tentative at first, but overwhelming once they were in it, easy to get lost, and for a little while, they did. By the time they’d parted, breathing hard, saliva slick over lips and chin, the hands on him were finally gripping tight, migrated up from his hips to drag fingertips firmly down his back. Iruka was holding on to the front of the jounin vest, and he deeply needed it off, needed to feel Kakashi against him. 

He itched to reach for the zipper, but he forced himself to stop, flicking his tongue over Kakashi’s bottom lip and murmuring, “I like the way you touch me. I want you to touch me more. Do you want that?” Kakashi nodded, leaning in to mouth at Iruka’s jaw. “What do you want? Tell me.” 

The man made a frustrated sound, pushing Iruka’s shirt up further as his hands sought every inch of skin, breathing against him, “I want to take you to bed.” 

He arched, a little embarrassed at the keening noise the simple admission had drawn from him, loathe to break apart for even a moment, but very intent on honoring Kakashi’s wishes. So, he pushed back a bit, grasping the man’s hand, and pulled him down the hall, toward the bedroom. 

It wasn’t a new path for them to walk together. He hadn’t exactly been keeping count, but over the last few months Kakashi had been over many times, and many of those times had led straight to the bedroom. But it felt different. Kakashi was behind him, but more like on him than following him, tugging at his hair until it was down out of the ponytail, stroking down his sides and then up, taking his shirt over his head and tossing it away. Inches from the bedspread, Iruka found himself stopped, pulled back against a firm, broad chest, feeling the edges of the jounin vest against his skin, Kakashi nuzzling into his hair and then down to lick at his throat. 

He hissed at the sensation and arched back into it. “Fuck… do you want to bite me again?” 

Kakashi stilled at his back, arms around him like bands of metal, breathing heavily against his skin, and let out that little frustrated noise that said he wanted something. 

“It’s okay. I like it…” 

Fangs brushed over his skin, but didn’t dig in, the jounin quivering against him, and Iruka figured showing was better than telling. Clearly, he’d failed to communicate a bit here himself if Kakashi thought he’d been tolerating the biting rather than enjoying it. He grabbed one of the hands that had paused over his stomach, guiding it down to where his cock stood, hard and straining against his pants. Kakashi gave a little growl, fondling him expertly, and Iruka shivered and tilted his head away, baring more of his throat. Kakashi got with the program, nipping him and then pressing in harder, biting and squeezing, not enough to break skin, but definitely leaving a bruise. 

One of his hands flew up to grip in silver hair and he let out an uninhibited moan and he knew Kakashi had felt his cock pulse and twitch in arousal from the suppressed snarl the man gave. 

He was practically whimpering when the jounin eased off his throat, massaging his cock through his pants, coaxing small movements from his hips, and murmured, less teasing than wondering, “You like that?” 

“ _Yes…_ ” 

Kakashi rubbed over him and ground his own length against Iruka’s ass and panted in his ear, “Fuck, you like it… you like when I bite you?” 

“Yes, Kakashi…” He really wanted to get around to doing something active himself, but the jounin seemed determined to rob him of all coordination, and he wanted this to be Kakashi’s show. 

“I want to fuck you… I want to fuck you from behind and bite you while you’re taking it and feel you come around me…” 

The breath caught in his throat and his hips bucked forward and Iruka grabbed at the hand on him, stilling the movement, “God yes, I want that, and if you don’t stop I’m going to come right here…” 

Kakashi bit him again, quickly, and he felt a quiet purr against him as his cock twitched at the bite, the jounin’s huge hand still pressing against his groin. He gained enough sense to get himself turned around, tugging Kakashi down into another messy kiss while he stripped him of his vest and got his shirt and mask off. The clothes went on the floor, but he was careful to get the forehead protector on the bedside table, laying it over his own. When he looked back, the sharingan was watching him, raking over his body while the man tugged at the hem of his pants. 

“So gorgeous. I love looking at you.” 

Improbably, the comment made him blush, and Iruka ducked his head, pulling at the jounin’s pants until they were undone, masking a self-conscious smile to go with the blush as Kakashi held him close while he did, murmuring how beautiful he was against his temple. Iruka thought he was plenty good looking; not at the ridiculous, unfairly attractive level that Kakashi was, but fine in his own way. Past partners had never gone out of their way to tell him that though, and he wasn’t used to it. 

Kakashi nudged him back and opened his mouth to speak, then paused. Iruka reached up to run a thumb over his bottom lip, soft, coaxing. 

“It’s okay…” 

Kakashi nodded and licked his lips, finally getting out, “On your hands and knees?” 

It had the heat of an order and the sweetness of something hopeful and a feeling twisted in Iruka’s chest that he didn’t recognize. He stepped back, catching his bottom lip between his teeth in something approximating coy. He didn’t know if he’d quite captured the gesture, but Kakashi’s intense gaze was appreciative as he shimmied the rest of the way out of his pants. He climbed over the bedspread on all fours, tucking his hair behind one ear, glancing back to find the jounin with his hand in his opened pants, stroking himself while he watched, longing scrawled across his face. 

He didn’t move until Iruka was settled, taking his time to remove his pants, joining the teacher on the bed, kneeling behind him and immediately petting over his back, his sides, his thighs. He laid wet, sucking kisses over Iruka, between his shoulder blades, down his spine, over his tailbone and then a rough grip was spreading his ass cheeks apart and he barely had a moment of incredible anticipation before Kakashi’s tongue was at his entrance. 

The first time they’d been together, he’d been embarrassed at how loud he was. Harboring a crush for a while was one thing, but Iruka hadn’t realized how into Kakashi he’d been until they were right in the middle of things, until they were together and he’d noticed how very wanton he was. It was still a little embarrassing how difficult it was to control his volume while they were together, that it hadn’t gotten any easier, but the jounin didn’t seem to mind at least. Kakashi worked him enthusiastically, circling his entrance, pushing his tongue in, over and over while Iruka shivered and gasped and moaned and hoped the neighbors couldn’t hear him. 

Fingers joined his tongue, slippery and insistent, and something about Kakashi knowing exactly where Iruka kept the lube and retrieving it so easily spoke of a familiarity between them that made him feel warm in a way that had nothing to do with arousal. Kakashi fucked him with fingers and tongue until he could barely keep himself on all fours, wanting to sink down to his elbows, press his face into the sheets to try to muffle himself, but wanting to stay as Kakashi had asked more. 

He could feel his own cock leaking, pulsing and desperate for attention, and he reached for himself, only for Kakashi to bat his hand away. He cursed, gripping the bedspread tightly and whining at his need and the sensation of a slick, heavy length sliding between his cheeks as Kakashi nudged his legs open a little more and leaned over him. The jounin moved his hips and Iruka moved in counterpoint, the slide along his entrance maddeningly close to what he ached for, and cursed much louder when Kakashi reached around to fondle the head of his cock. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet for me…” the words were mumbled hotly against his shoulder blade, the jounin rocking his hips into the cleft of Iruka’s ass, and he pushed back impatiently. “I love how needy you get when I play with your ass…” 

“Please…” he was shuddering, pleading, and whined again as Kakashi’s warmth drew away and then something blunt and hard was pressing into him. 

“Is this what you want?” 

“Yes, god, I need your cock in me, Kakashi…” 

He groaned and flexed into Iruka and fuck, he loved the way Kakashi fucked him, but the man was big. He hissed at the burn, his body stretching to accommodate the intrusion while the jounin moved in tiny thrusts, entering him slowly, carefully, on and on until he was finally all the way in. By then they were both panting harshly, Kakashi bearing all his weight on his knees so he could stroke both hands over Iruka’s chest, playing with his nipples, petting up over his collarbone and down near but not quite over his aching cock. 

“Move…” he could barely get words out, but he needed it so, so much. “God… fuck me, _oh, god…_ ” 

Tiny movements lengthened into longer thrusts, Kakashi sinking into him over and over, spreading him open, and Iruka moved with him, rocking back, a moan tearing from his throat on every down thrust. The jounin leaned closer, planting a hand on the bedspread, curling around him, nuzzling into his hair, broad chest settling over his back, the other arm holding him, petting him, practically cradling him, and Iruka didn’t understand how the man could make a sex position that usually seemed so impersonal into something so intimate, but he had. 

“Fuck, that’s good… you’re so good, Iruka,” he crooned against him. “Wanted you for so long, thought about you so much, and you’re so good, every time, you’re so much better than I could have ever-,” he cut himself off with a strangled sound. 

He was fucking Iruka quickly now, expertly thrusting his hips, rough and perfect and nosing his hair to the side, mouthing at the back of his neck and Iruka was pretty certain of what he wanted, but he needed to hear him say it, to articulate and get permission and know that it was welcome. 

“What…” Fuck, it was difficult to get words out. “What… do you want?” 

“Touch yourself for me.” 

He complied, reaching up and tugging quickly at his own cock, almost crying in relief, and a growl was pressed into his skin, Kakashi shifting slightly and making him see stars as his cock ground more firmly over Iruka’s prostate, the arm around him almost tight enough to restrict his breathing. 

“Can I…?” 

He mouthed at the back of Iruka’s neck, and fine, they could work on better articulation next time, “ _Yes._ ” 

He barely got the word out around the wanton sounds he was making, chewing his lip, trying to muffle himself at least a little, because he could feel he was losing any coherence or sense of decorum he might have had left, and then Kakashi ruined what little remained. 

“Perfect, you’re so perfect, _fuck_ , Iruka, I can’t believe I get to have you at all, but I want you, I want all of you. Want to suck you and fuck you and make you beg for me and come for me until all you can think about is me, all you need is me, want you to be _mine…_ ” 

The last word came out raggedly, his rhythm stuttering, and fangs sank into the back of Iruka’s neck and warm wetness filled him and he came into his hand with an intensity that pulled so tightly from his balls and his abdomen that it was almost agonizing, rippling through him as his muscles seized and his whole body shook, and time stopped having any meaning for a while. 

When he could finally open his eyes, he was rather shocked to find himself still on his hands and knees, the arm around him still strong and sure, holding him up while Kakashi lapped at the back of his neck, making him wonder if the jounin had broken skin again. Oh well. If he had, he had. Worrying about whether Kakashi wanted to be publicly with him had made explaining the last time difficult, but that wouldn’t be an issue now. He shifted a bit and heard his partner hum inquisitively. 

“Can I… stay?” 

It took Iruka a moment to parse his meaning, working out that he wanted to stay inside for a little longer. He nodded, but tugged at Kakashi’s hand planted beside his on the mattress. 

“Yeah, just… too tired to stay up…” 

The jounin carefully guided them both down on their sides, his softening cock still inside Iruka, and nuzzled at him, holding him from behind and then, with both hands free to roam, petting and fondling at every part of the teacher he could reach. Iruka relaxed, letting his eyes drift closed, feeling a smile curl across his face. It was insane to him that the thing Kakashi had been holding back was physical affection, although a darker part of himself had to admit that he could see how this might become annoying for some partners. He wasn’t exactly sure where the line was between nice and smothering, though he thought it might be hard to see from within the deep well of answering need in himself. He could understand how this might be too much for some people, but it felt pretty fucking nice as far as he was concerned. 

As if sensing his thoughts, Kakashi’s touch stilled, and Iruka waited, striving for his often-elusive patience, practically physically feeling the jounin trying to get it together to speak. 

“…it’s okay?” 

He knew Kakashi didn’t just mean the petting, he meant the bite and the conversation and the things he’d said a minute ago, the everything between them. Iruka laced their fingers together and leaned back into the man’s larger frame. 

“It’s okay.” The radiating tension behind him didn’t ease much, so he turned his head to brush their lips together, trying to impart his sincerity. “It’s okay. It’s good, actually.” 

Kakashi nodded, and pet him again as he finally slid out of Iruka’s body with a sigh, and Iruka knew they weren’t done talking about this, wasn’t sure if they would ever really be done talking about this, but that was okay too. Anything worth having was worth working for. 

He let Kakashi hold him for a while, until hunger drove them from the bed, then he let Kakashi haunt him in the kitchen while he cooked, sliding over and around him, always touching him, but graceful and controlled enough that he was somehow never in the way. It was charming, and also a little impressive, and had Iruka laughing and calling him a jackass again. 

They ate and talked about the mission in Wave Country and Kakashi’s concerns with his genin team and Iruka’s irritation with his students and then they went back to bed, where Iruka hoped they could remain for a good long while. Kakashi didn’t seem to have any problem with that plan.

**Author's Note:**

> So, after a quick Kakashi/Iruka intersection with my other series, of course I had to make a series for them because my brain hates me and wants me to get no work done, make no money, be poor and starve. Thanks, brain. And since the other series came first, I'm writing this one kind of in reverse, so it's almost _guaranteed_ to have chronology problems, like a GENIUS. YEAH. 
> 
> I hope every one of you awesome motherfuckers who made it here enjoyed my story, because you're all the BEST and you deserve everything nice in the world. Comments are both deeply appreciated and cravenly sought after, so if you have a moment I would love to hear what you thought!


End file.
